Yeah, you try to hide 150,000 Easter Eggs

If you feel like taking a drive tomorrow, you might want to head to Homer, Georgia. It's not only tobacco-wad spittin' distance from the birthplace of pre-steroid baseball legend Ty Cobb, it's also the home for what locals claim is the world's largest Easter Egg hunt. Visitors will be searching for 150,000 eggs, including 100 containing some kind of prize (hopefully not a chicken embryo). The event is sponsored by the Banks County Convention and Visitors Bureau. Yeah, I know the BCCVB web site says the hunt is April 11, but it just hasn't been updated. While the Georgia tourism department claims Guinness Book of Records calls the Homer egg hunt the largest, that title -- according to Guinness -- is held by Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada, which on April 14, 2001 was the site of 254,000 hidden Easter Eggs being hunted by 8,200 children. Regardless, 150,000 Easter Eggs is still a lot of freaking Easter Eggs. Maybe it just feels like the world's largest Easter Egg hunt to the guy hiding the eggs.

UPDATE 3/27/2005 -- Sundays are free on my cell phone so, bad connection and all (they don't build cell towers in the poor section of town), I checked in with the folk holding the Easter Egg hunt in Homer. A single family, the Mack Garrison, Jr. Family, sponsors the hunt, pays for all the eggs and has been doing so for 46 years. It started within the family with Mr. Garrison's grandfather hiding the eggs, grew to include the employees of the Garrison's cotton mill and their children. Then town's people were invited and well, one thing led to another and it has blossomed to be an annual event involving folk from all over the area, says Mrs. Garrison. The hunt had been listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the world's largest Easter Egg hunt until just a few years ago, she said, clearing up the confusion. That's when the Canadians snagged the title. This year's hunt included 100,000 candy eggs and 100 prize eggs. Some 50 volunteers showed up at the Garrison's door this morning to help hide the eggs and it took them about two hours to complete the task, she said. The Easter Egg hunt is open to all ages and this year's hunt lasted about two hours before the skies opened up. About 2,500 people showed up for the event despite the gray skies and threatening weather. This is the fourth year in a row it's rained on the Garrison's Easter Egg hunt. A bummer for the families participating, but, hey, look on the bright side, it could have been wetter.

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The world can empathize: The case of Terri Schindler Schiavo is not unique to the U. S. The Christian Science Monitor has written a very good article examining how other countries are coming to grips with the dilemmas posed by their own similar cases. Just as a general note, in all my years as a professional consumer of media, I have never found a more balanced publication than CSM. It should be on your regular reading list.

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Unasked questions can't be answered: Associated Press writer Jill Barton is reporting that a young woman was a minute late reaching her dying grandfather because of the security outside Woodside Hospice where Terri Schindler Schiavo is located. It's heartbreaking. The inference is that the terrible tragedy could have been avoided had not those protestors positioned themselves outside the hospice to pray for Mrs. Schiavo. Ms. Barton fails to mention the crush of media trucks and vans. And she also fails to ask the questions that would have prevented the situation. Why has Michael Schiavo placed his wife in the Woodside Hospice instead of taking her home? The leftists claim she's a vegetable and should die because of that. The husband claims that she wouldn't want to live the way she currently exists. She's dying and the courts won't stop it, so why is she in a hospice and not in Michael Schiavo's home? The Associated Press won't ask that question, much less answer it. Just keep telling yourself the coverage is fair, balanced and objective.

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Porn spam Easter egg of the day:

I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. -- Steven Wright

Treating animals better than humans

I have sent two requests to PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, asking what their organization's position is on the Terri Schindler Schiavo case and have received no reply. That may be an answer in and of itself. [A response from PETA was received on March 30, 2005. Please see updates.]

It's doubtful to me that, were Terri Schindler Schiavo an animal, PETA would allow her death by starvation and dehydration. However, the following selected and appropriate information was obtained from the organization's web site (italics added are my emphasis):

“What do you mean by ‘animal rights’?”
People who support animal rights believe that animals are not ours to use for food, clothing, entertainment, experimentation, or any other purpose and that animals deserve consideration of their best interests regardless of whether they are cute, useful to humans, or endangered and regardless of whether any human cares about them at all (just as a mentally challenged human has rights even if he or she is not cute or useful and even if everyone dislikes him or her)

“What rights should animals have?”
Animals should have the right to equal consideration of their interests. For instance, a dog most certainly has an interest in not having pain inflicted on him or her unnecessarily. We are, therefore, obliged to take that interest into consideration and to respect the dog’s right not to have pain unnecessarily inflicted upon him or her. However, animals don’t always have the same rights as humans because their interests are not always the same as ours, and some rights would be irrelevant to animals. For instance, a dog doesn’t have an interest in voting and, therefore, doesn’t have the right to vote because that right would be as meaningless to a dog as it is to a child.

“Where do you draw the line?”
The renowned humanitarian Albert Schweitzer, who accomplished so much for both humans and animals in his lifetime, would take time to stoop and move a worm from hot pavement to cool earth. Aware of the problems and responsibilities that an expanded ethic brings, he said, “A man is really ethical only when he obeys the constraint laid on him to aid all life which he is able to help .… He does not ask how far this or that life deserves sympathy … nor how far it is capable of feeling.” We can’t stop all suffering, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t stop any. In today’s world of virtually unlimited choices, there are plenty of kind, gentle ways for us to feed, clothe, entertain, and educate ourselves that do not involve killing animals.

“What about plants?”
There is currently no reason to believe that plants experience pain because they are devoid of central nervous systems, nerve endings, and brains. It is theorized that animals are able to feel pain so that they can use it for self-protection purposes. For example, if you touch something hot and feel pain, you will learn from the pain that you should not touch that item in the future. Since plants cannot move from place to place and do not need to learn to avoid certain things, this sensation would be superfluous. From a physiological standpoint, plants are completely different from mammals. Unlike animals’ body parts, many perennial plants, fruits, and vegetables can be harvested over and over again without dying.

“Animals don’t reason, don’t understand rights, and don’t always respect our rights, so why should we apply our ideas of morality to them?”
An animal’s inability to understand and adhere to our rules is as irrelevant as a child’s or a person with a developmental disability’s inability to do so. Animals are not always able to choose to change their behaviors, but adult human beings have the intelligence and ability to choose between behaviors that hurt others and behaviors that do not hurt others. When given the choice, it makes sense to choose compassion.

“Where does the animal rights movement stand on abortion?”
There are people on both sides of the abortion issue in the animal rights movement, just as there are people on both sides of animal rights issues in the pro-life movement. And just as the pro-life movement has no official position on animal rights, the animal rights movement has no official position on abortion.

“How can you justify spending your time helping animals when there are so many people who need help?”
There are very serious problems in the world that deserve our attention, and cruelty to animals is one of them. We should try to alleviate suffering wherever we can. Helping animals is not any more or less important than helping human beings—they are both important. Animal suffering and human suffering are interconnected.

“Animals are not as intelligent or as advanced as humans, so why can't we use them?”
Possessing superior intelligence does not entitle one human to abuse another human, so why should it entitle humans to abuse nonhumans? There are animals who are unquestionably more intelligent, creative, aware, communicative, and able to use language than some humans, as is the case when a chimpanzee is compared to a human infant or a person with a severe developmental disability. Should the more intelligent animals have rights and the less intelligent humans be denied rights?

If society determines that Terri Schindler Schiavo should die, she is entitled to a death with dignity, free from pain and suffering. We would treat her better were she a stray dog, injured beyond our current ability to heal her.

[Update 3/30/2005: I received an email response from PETA today on its position on the Terri Schindler Schiavo case:

Thanks for your e-mail to PETA regarding Terri Shiavo.

Please know that at the very heart of the ethic that underlies and informs all of PETA's actions is the right of all beings to be secure from violation and harm, including humans, and that our hearts go out to Terri and her family. PETA employees, for instance, volunteer in soup kitchens for the homeless and answer phones at our local public TV station. Our staffers participate in local tree-plantings and street clean-ups and volunteer with children at local shelters. But please understand that our focus, as an organization, is the alleviation of the horrendous suffering inflicted on billions of non-human animals every year.

We recognize that there are very serious problems and injustices in our world that deserve our attention; cruelty to animals is one of them. We should try to alleviate suffering wherever we can, and no one organization can fight all moral and social crimes; for example, the American Heart Association fights heart disease but not cancer or any other disease. Save the Children helps starving children, but not disabled veterans.

Thank you again for your e-mail, I hope this information is helpful to you.

Sincerely,

Shelly Breitbeil
Manager, Member Mail Division
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals]

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Nader says Terri should live. Cybercast News Service is reporting that consumer advocate and former Green Party presidential candidate Ralph Nader has weighed in in support of Terri Schindler Schiavo.

"Terri swallows her own saliva ... Spoon-feeding is not medical treatment. This outrageous order proves that the courts are not merely permitting medical treatment to be withheld, it has ordered her to be made dead," says the CNS report, quoting Nader's statement.

Read Nader's full statement here.

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No consensus whether Terri Schindler Schiavo feels pain. The Associated Press is now reporting there actually is no consensus on whether Mrs. Schiavo feels pain. Reports from the mainstream media have previously united behind the claim that Mrs. Schiavo feels no pain. However, while noting dissenting voices exist in the medical community, AP is quick to point out those physicians who disagree and say she is in pain also happen to be Christian missionaries. This must apparently discount their views to AP. No telling what the religious background is of its other sources. AP doesn't report it.

Reports AP:

Dr. David Stevens, executive director of the Christian Medical Association in Bristol, Tenn., has worked in some of Africa's poorest nations.

He recalls watching people die of dehydration with symptoms that include thick saliva, severe cramps and dry heaving. As their mucous membranes and intestines dry out, they bleed from the mouth and nose, and begin to hallucinate.

Stevens says the quiet death that physicians often associate with dehydration comes to patients whose bodies were already shutting down from cancer or another terminal illness.

"That's a whole different thing than someone like this, whose body is in metabolic equilibrium," he said.

Persistent Vegetative State?

Neurologists quoted in USA Today claim that Terri Schindler Schiavo feels no pain because only her brain stem remains intact, which governs only reflex action and basic motor function. Keep this in mind when you visit the:

Website of the Day:

Mike, the Headless Chicken

Just got back in from the road and see from a quick perusing of the headlines that there actually exist physicians who disagree with the diagnosis of "persistent vegetative state." The Associated Press found some, including a neurologist from the Mayo Clinic who believes Mrs. Schiavo is in a "minimally conscious state." A "minimally conscious state" would mean that she can feel pain and respond to her body attacking itself as she dies from starvation and dehydration. However, the AP writers then find other sources which discredit their claims by noting the neurologist might be letting his "Christian" beliefs influence his judgement. Just keep telling yourself the AP is unbiased and is presenting a "balanced" report. The bottom line: there is no consensus in the medical profession, the only consensus is in the liberal media which seek to report just one side of the issues.

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Porn spam Easter egg of the day:

Today's spam inclusion is beautiful nonsense poetry I call:

Randomized love ode to a dictionary

you coxcomb me
bengal me
you artemis me
banquet me
you decent me
ersatz me
you drowse me
utter me
you alterate me
snipe me
you somewhat me
blanchard me
you checkmate me
chrysolite me
you chen me
fiendish me

Osama-Frohike 9/11 Connection

Is Osama bin Laden a fan of the short-lived "X-Files" spinoff "The Lone Gunmen?" It may be; there's at least one common denominator. It's repeat night, another blast from my usenet commentary past:

Google groups hyperlink

It appears that Osama bin Laden may be an X-Files fan. Or more specifically, a fan of the short-lived spinoff "The Lone Gunmen."

The premier episode of "The Lone Gunmen" has Byers, Langley and Frohike uncovering a plot to remotely pilot a 727 into the World Trade Center.

"The Lone Gunmen" are led to believe that John Byers' father Bertram, a career policy wonk, was killed in an auto accident. They are then led to believe he was murdered. Eventually they determine the father faked his own death, killing his own would-be assasin in the process, because he found out a small faction within the government planned to actualize a war-game scenario and blame it on terrorists.

The dialogue exchange between Long Gunmen member John Byers and his father Bertram follows:

J: What is scenario 12-D? We know it's a war-game scenario, that it has to do with airline counter-terrorism. Why is important enough to kill for?

B: Because it's no longer a game.

J: If some terroriist group wants to act out this scenario, why target you for assasination?

B: Depends on who your 'terrorists' are.

J: The men who conceived of it in the first place. You're saying our government plans to commit a terrorist act against a domestic airline ...

B: There you go, indicting the entire government, as usual. A faction, a small faction.

J; For what possible gain?

B: The cold war's over John. But with no clear enemy to stockpile against, the arms market's flat. But bring down a fully loaded 727 into the middle of New York City and you'll find a dozen tinpot dictators all over the world just clamoring to take responsibility and begging to be smart-bombed.

The war-game scenario 12-D has the terrorists commandeering an aircraft with a normal flight plan that takes them over lower Manhattan so little suspicion is aroused with flight deviation.

The Lone Gunmen search the aircraft for a bomb and, finding none, determine that the scenario is to remotely pilot the craft (via computer cracking into the flight controls) into a point at the corner of Washington and Liberty Streets in Lower Manhattan -- the World Trade Center.

To prove to the pilots that the aircraft has been taken over by remote control, Bertram Byers -- with little resistance from the navigator or flight staff -- makes his way into the pilot's cabin, reaches over the pilots and turns off the auto-pilot.

Talk about prognostications! Anyone feeling a chill down their spine about now?

FYI, there are several web sites that archived the full dialogue and information about the pilot,

http://www.redwolf.com.au/lgm/pilot/1aeb79.html
http://www.geocities.com/thelonegunmen030401/ep0.html

being just a few.

The episode was written by Chris Carter, Vince Gilligan, John Shiban and Frank Spotnitz.

I've never read an interview with any of the writers of this particular episode after 9/11 but I would think it would be interesting to hear their thoughts on the Osama-Frohike Connection.

If you've never seen the particular episode, you soon will have a chance. The complete "The Lone Gunmen" tv series is scheduled for release March 29.

I have my own thoughts on 9/11, as you may have already read.

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There's a good article by Reuters on how the controversy surrounding Terri Schindler Schiavo has renewed serious discussions on how we, in the U.S., deal with end of life issues. Select here to read it. One item about the report has me disturbed, however. The unnamed reporter tosses out a blanket statement: "And experts agree that if she does die with her feeding tube now removed, it will be painless." without mentioning any names of experts who claim that Mrs. Schiavo's death would be painless. "Experts" believe fish don't feel pain; PETA - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, disagree. I wonder where that organization stands on this issue? If I find out, I'll post it as an update.

Did you hear the one about the fat guy who got pissed at Viacom and the New York Times?

Why is it that liberals believe it's discriminatory to joke about homosexuals, harassment to joke about women and sex, and racist/discriminatory to joke about minorities or someone's cultural heritage, but if you're religious, old or overweight, it's open season for public ridicule?

I was browsing around today on the New York Times and found an advertisement ridiculing overweight men on one of its web pages:

(Please note this is a 133kb file and will take a moment to download.) The advertisement, located on the righthand column of the NYT's web page, is apparently some liberal's attempt at "fat boy" humor. It features an overweight man taking up space on two stools at a lunch counter. The caption reads: "Buy 'Adults' without Spike and you're missing tons of men."

It's an advertisement for SpikeTV, a unit of Viacom International, which also owns broadcast outlet CBS News, home of Dan Rather and forged documents. (Need I say more?) The advertisement is targeted at advertisers who want to get their advertising message to men and SpikeTV is trying to tell them that a majority of its audience demographic is male and those advertisers should buy commercial time on its cable shows.

Let's just hope that none of the advertisers they are targeting is overweight because that ad just managed to piss off at least one overweight male.

To add insult to injury, some website layout artist at the NYT placed this ad over a NYT in-house ad promoting its story on how fast food giant McDonald's is franchising in Russia. The headline for the in-house ad? "Want fries with that?"

It's real fucking hilarious Pinch and Sumner. I'm laughing both of my ass cheeks off.

[Update 5/5/2005: New York Times to large people: Tough! It's policy. Nearly six weeks after complaining about this advertisment to the Public Editor of the New York Times, I finally received a reply from the customer service representative for the digital version of the New York Times. Their response to me and my letter back to them follow:

Date: Thu, 05 May 2005 16:04:32 -0400
To: NEWSXXX@6thXXXXte.com
From: "NYTimes.com CS"
Subject: Spike TV ad on NYTimes.com

Dear Mr. McBride:

Thank you for contacting the New York Times.

We are sorry if you did not receive our previous e-mail in response to your original message about the Spike tv ad on our site.

All of the ads we take conform to the advertising acceptability guidelines of The New York Times newspaper.

However, we did pass along your comments to our colleagues in the Advertising Department and they have shared them with the Advertiser.

Thanks for writing. Again, we are sorry that you never heard from us.

Regards,

Gillian Burns
NYTimes.com
Customer Service
www.nytimes.com/help

To: "NYTimes.com CS"
Subject: Re: Spike TV ad on NYTimes.com
Cc: Public

Dear Ms. Burns,

Thank you for your reply.

If I'm reading your reply correctly, you say that you accept acceptable ads and don't accept unacceptable ads. That's enlightening. Not.

I understand this ad was deemed acceptable by the New York Times; that's why the newspaper ran the advertisement. What I am trying to determine is why such a degrading advertisement is acceptable to the New York Times. This is an advertisement that is obviously degrading to large people. It is more than degrading, it is discriminatory and the fact the advertisement was allowed signals that this type of discrimination against a person's size is common and acceptable at the New York Times and at SpikeTV/Viacom.

So I am trying to determine why filters weren't already in place at the prestigious New York Times to prevent the acceptance by the newspaper of such a degrading advertisement. That is the question I asked, and that is the question I would like answered and answered officially and fully -- if not by you Ms. Burns, then by the display advertising manager or the publisher of the New York Times. SpikeTV may have created this ad, and shame on them for presenting their customers in this degrading manner to advertisers; but that ad may never have seen the light of day had not the New York Times published it. SpikeTV manufactured the bullet, but the New York Times made the gun and pulled the trigger and is equally culpable in this.

I await a reply.

Sincerely,

Mark McBride
Editor/Publisher
The 6th Estate]

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Tangled Web at Viacom: I was searching for a contact address at the Viacom website to give corporate chairman and CEO Sumner Redstone a little insight into how SpikeTV views its viewers. There is none that I could find, but while searching, I stumbled across this nice explanation on its employment page:

"Viacom is an equal opportunity employer. We recruit, employ, train, compensate and promote regardless of race, religion, creed, color, national origin, age, gender, sexual orientation, disability, or veteran status and we comply with all federal and state laws."

As a Vietnam-era veteran, I am just tickled camo that Viacom doesn't discriminate against persons just because they may have served their country -- and protected Viacom's assets -- with time spent in the military. Sumner, you might have a law degree from Harvard, but you don't know the law. I wonder just how much money Viacom properties receive in federal contracts?

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Blog of the Day:

Yonkers Tribune

Ever see that liberal bumper sticker, "Think globally. Act locally?" This is the template to follow and is what they meant in the '60s by power to the people. This website is operated by a 55-year-old immigrant the New York Times calls a "gadfly" who doesn't appreciate the political shenanigans going on in the hometown of his adopted country. So he started a blog and has taken an active role in not only tilting at the establishment windmills but actually connecting with his bitstream lance. Kind of like SmadaNek, yesterday's Blog of the Day. The power of the pen is mightier than the sword? Not always. But in this case, it is. As I have written previously, the 6th estate is the information battleground for the citizen who cares more about truth and the future than advertising dollars and is willing to take a few risks for the truth and freedom. Not everyone can have Sean Hannity's audience. Not everyone can be the offspring of Katherine Graham or "Punch" Sulzberg and have a media empire tossed into their lap. But everyone can have a blog and their say however which way they want to say it. As most veterans know, the best soldier in any war is a patriotic volunteer, not a mercenary or conscript. And that's why the liberals will fail -- they don't hire veterans who would know that. Keep on thinking the 6th estate is filled with gadflys. We want you to believe that.

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I have updated my post "A Rare Case of Balance" with a description of exactly how Terri Schindler Schiavo will die following her starvation and dehydration. Regardless of where you stand on the issue, the process that will lead to her death is cruel and torturous, a method we as a society wouldn't accept to terminate the life of an animal, much less a human. She may be in a "permanent vegetative state" but she is not a plant.

One of the last bastions of age discrimination cracks opens the door

Until last week, you couldn't be a 39-year-old lesbian and be able to enlist the day before your 40th birthday in the Army Reserve or National Guard even if you kept your mouth closed about your sexuality.

Discriminatory? You bet.

In the Army National Guard, you can ... be a man and physically love other men and the Army would want you.

In the Army National Guard, you can ... be any color, any nationality, any creed and any political persuasion, and the Army would want you.

In the Army National Guard, you can ... be a woman and physically love other women and the Army would want you.

But if you were 35 years old or older, with no prior enlisted time, the Army would tell you to take a hike ... in your civilian clothes.

That, however, has changed. And you can thank war once again for the liberalization of America and forcing open the eyes of one of the last bastions of legal, Congressionally-approved age-based job discrimination -- the military.

Because of the shortage of men and women willing to join the Guard and Reserve, the Army has become lenient, liberal and understanding that older adults can provide service as well as the young pups. That is, they are hurting for recruits so bad they're accepting what they obviously believe are lower quality personnel. The change in policy makes 20 million men and women who weren't age eligible to enlist, age eligible.

The Army previously would accept persons in the Guard and Reserve with prior service -- regardless of service branch -- so long as they could retire at 60 with 20 years service. The military recruits only future retirees apparently. It's not just a job for just when your country needs you, it's a career for even when it doesn't and you have better things to do than shine shoes, dig ditches, march and mop floors.

But if you had no prior service, the maximum age for enlistment in the active duty Army, Army Reserve and Army National Guard was less than 35 on the date of your enlistment.

The Army says the new policy applies only to the Reserve and Guard and does not apply to regular Army. However, it must be assumed that if your Reserve or Guard unit were activated -- and there's a good chance of that these days -- you would be on active duty and would be acting like a regular Army guy or gal. So the policy apparently is your standard military workaround to meet unfilled quotas because Congress has to approve any change in age limits for the regular Army and this is just a policy change.

Enlistees must still meet all other qualifications, including physical fitness, medical and mental. Anti-American terrorists need not apply, and may be rejected. The Army says the policy change is a test that will be in effect for three years, at the end of which it will be re-evaluated.

The policy is so new, in fact, that operators at the 1-800-G-o-G-u-a-r-d telephone call center have no information, and the 1800GoGuard.com web site still hasn't been updated.

The policy change is only for the Army. Upper age limits of 34 still apply for all the other services as well as the FBI and CIA. Who'd have ever thought the Army would be on the cutting edge? The Army, which apparently was the first military branch to accept minorities and women. And who said good things don't ever happen in wartime?

I don't consider opening the doors to recruits 40 years old minus a day and younger acceptable as a finish to ending age-based job discrimination in the military and federal services; it's a good start and a step in the right direction. I applaud the Army chiefs for the this decision, even though unfilled quota numbers may have dragged them into it kicking and screaming. It's the policy that counts, not the thought.

[Oh yeah, last but not least, before I get any abuse about my references to homosexuality in the lead paragraphs of this post, I want to make it clear that I am not a homophobe and would willing accept homosexuals serving openly in the military -- as soon as Congress passes a law forcing Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) to shower with me. In case you're wondering, I'm not sexually attracted to her at all.]

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I've updated my post "A Rare Case of Balance," adding comments e-mailed to me today by Greg Mitchell, editor of Editor & Publisher.

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Blog of the day:

Ken Adams' SmadaNek

SmadaNek is chosen as my Blog of the Day, not just because Ken has a great interest and a great handle on New Jersey politics, which he does, but because Ken is the first blogger to blogroll The 6th Estate. Thanks, and a tip of the press pass-festooned fedora to Ken for this tribute!

Swashbuckling fronds of peace linked to death of parrots

Who would've known there would be collateral damage from Palm Sunday observances?

For persons without a knowledge of Christianity, let me explain. Palm Sunday, the sunday before Easter, commemorates when Jesus entered the city of Jerusalem for Passover. According to scripture, he was feted by city residents who waved at him with and covered his path in palm fronds as a sign of respect.

Traditionally during Palm Sunday services palm fronds are distributed to the Christian faithful. The palms are kept all year and any palms not distributed eventually are burned to create the ashes that will be placed upon the foreheads of the faithful the following Ash Wednesday.

As a very young child, Palm Sunday meant you'd get something to tickle the back of the ear of the child in front of you during the most solemn parts of the worship service. And after church, you would have palm frond sword fights, or run around laughing and whipping each other with the fronds. At least this occurred until your embarrassed very old-school Catholic grandmother told you that tickling, sword fighting and whipping other children with a palm frond of peace was sacrilegious behavior, regardless of your right to defend yourself, to be contritely admitted in Confession the very next week.

Sometimes shortly after arrival home the cheeks of my butt were red from the paddling of a wooden spoon when I went over the top in my efforts to emulate Errol Flynn with a palm frond sabre. Mom would try to act as my defense counsel but would most often lose the argument to the prosecution of my grandmother. I firmly believe even Perry Mason could lose to her, at least in her house.

When I left for Navy boot camp in 1973, my grandmother gave me a piece of a palm frond, stapled together in the form of a cross. I had stopped going to church altogether when I was 15 but carried that remembrance with me in my wallet until three years ago when it finally disintegrated into dust. I still can't tell you why I carried it that long -- a memory of my palm frond sword fighting days, or my grandmother's stern adherence to Catholic doctrine to the point of paddling me for youthful hijinks, or her deep caring and fear that something could happen to her grandson performing military service -- most probably all of the above.

While painful, that paddling is not the collateral damage of which I write. Apparently the fronds given out at these services today and back then most often are taken from a specific palm tree, the wax palm tree. These palm trees don't grow in Jerusalem or any where near the middle east, but in the Amazon rain forest. And that annual harvest allegedly has created an ecological catastrophy for the Colombian Yellow-Eared Parrot. (Go ahead, click on the link. They're really cute parrots.)

According to the Associated Press article by writer Andrew Selsky:

There are only 540 or so yellow-eared parrots left on the planet. They exist only in Colombia. Their sole habitat is the wax palm, which grows on the misty flanks of the Andes Mountains to heights of 225 feet, making it the world's tallest palm tree.

But for centuries, Colombians have used the fronds of the wax palm for Palm Sunday, which commemorates Jesus' entry into Jerusalem, where residents greeted him by waving palm fronds.

When Colombian peasants cut off the fronds from the young wax palms — Colombia's national tree — to sell to worshippers, the trees die or their growth is stunted. The practice has led to a dramatic thinning of the towering palms.

The article states that palm fronds from the Amazon rain forest are sent all over the world, with the majority going to churches in the United States for their Palm Sunday celebrations. Church leaders across the Christianity belief spectrum are concerned about this and have joined together to prevent further ecological damage. Some have started purchasing fronds from ecologically sustainable palms in Guatemala and Mexico, while in Colombia, there is a pilot project to grow and harvest palm fronds using methods that won't result in destruction of the trees.

[Update 5/5/2005: An appropriate joke forwarded to me by my friend Byron:

It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what the palm branches were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as He walked by," said the child's mother.

"Wouldn't you know it!" the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go to church, Jesus shows up!"]

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Creative Writing 7001 -- Graduate Level: The Associated Press says some of its 1,700 newspaper customers and 5,000 radio and television customers in the U.S., as well as its 8,500 newspaper, radio and television customers in 121 countries overseas, apparently feeling the hot breath at their backs of growing competition from the 6th estate, have requested it provide news copy to them offering some differentiation from the AP news copy being posted on the web. Thus, reports Editor & Publisher, the AP will offer news to its subscribers giving them a choice of two story leads -- one straight lead, reporting the who, what, where, when, why and how with just the main facts. "The other will be the 'optional,' an alternative approach that attempts to draw in the reader through imagery, narrative devices, perspective or other creative means." A "feature" lead is a soft lead, but I've never known a reporter to produce story leads with "creative means." No, I stand corrected. Janet Cooke, Dan Rather, Gary Webb and Jayson Blair come quickly to mind.

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Updates: I have updated my post "The Cinderella story that wasn't," adding information from the code of ethics subscribed to by the Associated Press.