Ya mudda wears combat boots!

(Originally published 3/7/2005 -- my remembrance to share with you this Mother's Day. And it's appropos that May 8-14 is National Nurses Week. Love a Nurse, P.R.N.)


That used to be a cutdown among 8-year-olds when I was growing up: "Ya mudda wears combat boots!"

In my case, it was a little closer to home than most of the other kids realized. Actually, my "mudda" wore U. S. Air Force sensible pumps.

There was a shortage of qualified nurses during World War II and, to alleviate it, the federal government started a program to pay for the education of women who completed training as registered nurses, the U.S. Cadet Nurse Corps. If the women accepted the scholarship they had to commit to serve in the armed forces for a period of time following graduation. This obviously was the precursor to allowing women, in later years, into R.O.T.C. and then the service academies.

Back then the only jobs truly open to women were teacher, nurse, secretary and waitress, as well as the occupation requiring the skill-sets of all the preceding ones: mother/housewife. That was just the way it was back then. So mom, a poor but studious child from a depression-era family who could never have afforded education beyond high school, took the scholarship and got her RN. Eventually mom became a lieutenant in the U. S. Air Force.

As providence would have it, shortly after she started her training, World War II was over so she didn't need to serve ... stateside, overseas or in a war zone. She was in the Class of 1948, the last U.S. Cadet Nurse Corps class to graduate from St. Mary's Hospital School of Nursing. And because the war was over, the service obligation was waived.

Had they received orders to a war zone, I'm sure they would've accepted those orders as they were patriotic citizens who believed in their country. But mom served nonetheless, joining the Air Force after a short stint working in a tuberculosis sanitarium. She completed tours at bases in Texas and California, along the way falling in love with a musician, before resigning her commission and giving birth to my brother a few months later.

Mom's first job in nursing after leaving the service was in a veterans hospital back in her hometown of Syracuse, N.Y. I was three then and my parents only recently had been divorced. It was a divorce for survival in mom's eyes. There were no funds -- child support or alimony -- coming from my chronically unemployed and deadbeat dad, and mom had to burn the candle at both ends to make ends meet.

She worked the veterans hospital nursing job while attending Syracuse University full time to earn her bachelor's degree. The check from her work at the veterans hospital went to raise my brother and myself and the G.I. Bill paid most of her educational expenses. My grandmother and Aunt Loretta watched over us while mom was working or in school. It had to be a manic schedule for mom. The nicotine from the three packs of Pall Mall reds non-filtered cigarettes she smoked daily kept her motor running on a few hours sleep a day in the early years. But the tars from a lifelong addiction left her with emphysema and respiratory failure at the end while she fought a losing battle with breast cancer. It was the trade-off women like her paid to have children and be able to support them in a man's world.

It was the Veterans Administration secured home loan that helped mom buy our first home in the suburbs on a half-acre of land. I'll never forget it because it meant I could finally have a dog. I was 10 years old then and I wanted a dog to play with so badly it hurt. I'm sure that was a significant factor in mom's decision to buy a home so far away from the hospital she worked at that it effectively tripled her commute time.

The military gave my mother independence when society, in general, would have brushed her aside with a push to become a housewife and re-marry the closest man with a suit, a corporate job and a paycheck. That was not the vision my mom had for herself. And, as I wrote previously, she was old school Catholic raised by an even older school Catholic, my grandmother. Divorce for survival was one thing; re-marriage after divorce was quite another entirely.

Mom was no athlete or Olympian. I always thought she was a beautiful person but many would have just viewed her as pretty. She had a good heart, a strong character, a great sense of humor, a gambler's nerve and a mind that could never be sated. She wasn't a saint but she was no sinner either. She was just one of the thousands of young women who joined the military because their country needed their service as much as it needed infantry soldiers and male clerks. (My mother's only mistake was in going Air Force and not Navy. I explained to her the error of her ways and she promised she would correct the error the next time around.)

So I'm glad the folk in Charleston, W.Va., recently rejected a statue to honor women veterans that reflected the artist's conception of a woman veteran as butch and muscular. My mom wasn't Xena Warrior Princess, Wonder Woman or even Supergirl. West Virginia's hometown female veteran hero and former P.O.W., Pvt. Jessica Lynch, wasn't athletically muscular either. In fact, very few of the women I knew in the service were butch superhuman athletes. Their strength was in their character, their heart, their fortitude and their courage to believe in themselves and be willing to put up with the hardships of military life, and the attitude of society and military men, so people they didn't even know -- or would ever know -- could have a better life.

God bless you veterans. Thank you. Welcome home. Ya mudda wears combat boots!

Love your wife, mother, girlfriend or daughter? Give them the gift of life this Mother's Day. Learn CPR.

Beware those bumps in the road

I was about 40 minutes from home Thursday night driving my own vehicle, just three miles from the end of the Atchafalya Spillway as I decided to pass some slow moving 18-wheelers. I moved into the lefthand lane to pass and, within seconds of doing so, drove over a large piece of metal that stretched from one edge of the hammer lane to the other.

Ka-thump!

I was going about 60 miles per hour when I hit the angled-metal. I felt the front tires of my car try to rip the steering wheel from my hands as they jarred from one side to the other but I had both hands on the wheel and a good grip. It was a good thing too, as the semi would not have been able to stop quickly if I swerved into him.

I was worried I'd damaged the front-end or the undercarriage of my car and I listened closely, as closely as a physician might to the lungs of a sick child. I spend a lot of time in that car and I know its moans, creaks and sighs as I would know the vocalizations of a lover. The front-end sounded fine but an unmistakeable rumble began to build from the left front tire. It was rapidly losing air.

The Atchafalaya Spillway is an elevated section of Interstate 10 between Grosse Tete and Breaux Bridge. It is about 17 miles long, and stretches over swampland and river runoff from mile marker 118 to 135. Ever since the state cut the speed limit down to 60 mph for cars and 55 mph for trucks over the spillway in a successful effort to reduce spillway accidents, police usually wait at the ends of the bridge to catch speeders, like sharks nestled in the sand waiting for unwary prey to swim buy. There's a breakdown lane on the bridge, but not much of one. If you pull all the way to the righthand curb, you might have two feet between the car and the solid white line. If you're lucky and your car is narrow. If you have to change a tire on the left side of the car, you really are taking your chances with your life because many folk nowadays just don't move to left when they see your emergency flashers blinking. The discourtesy is just a fact of life in the 21st Century of the "Me" generation.

Soon after I hit the metal object, I dialed *LSP on my cell phone and reached the New Orleans barracks of the Louisiana State Police. I knew I was near Baton Rouge and I asked to be connected to Troop A, which the trooper answering the phone did. I informed the trooper answering the phone in Baton Rouge about the metal bar. "I'm calling about a traffic hazard," I said describing it. "It's at mile marker 132, left hand lane on the eastbound side of the Atchafalaya Spillway." I told the trooper I ran over it and was pretty sure I was getting a flat.

I had made it the three miles to the end of the spillway when I could feel the hard pull of the driver's side front tire. It had gone flat, and I looked to find a place to pull over. As I scanned the road in front of me I saw a pickup truck driving down the side of the highway, his emergency flashers blinking and sparks flying from the rim of his right front wheel rolling bare metal on asphalt. Another victim.

Signs around the state alert you to dial *LSP on your cellular telephone to reach the Louisiana State Police. As an EMT, I know how abused the 911 system is and I never dial 911 unless it is absolutely an emergency. The piece of metal in the highway was definitely an urgent matter, a traffic hazard, but it was not a life or death emergency ... yet.

I dialed *LSP again when I pulled over after getting off the spillway. I wanted to alert the state police that the malevolent piece of metal had claimed at least two victims. The phone rang again in New Orleans. If I dialed 911 on my cell phone, I'd reach the 911 operator in the physical vicinity of my cell phone. Not so for *LSP. For some reason, no matter where you dial *LSP around the state, the call rings into the New Orleans trooper barracks. Undoubtedly, technology hasn't caught up with the *LSP system. That's frustrating but it wouldn't be horrible, except that either no one has told all the troopers answering telephones or they were asleep during that lecture, because every once in awhile I'll call into *LSP and be told that I'd reached New Orleans and that I should call the state police barracks in Baton Rouge or Lafayette or Shreveport or ... wherever.

This was one of those occasions. "The number for Baton Rouge is 225 ..." the desk sergeant started, as I interrupted him. "Look, I'm on a cell phone on the interstate and I don't have a pen to write down the number. I called *LSP and it rings into New Orleans. Don't blame me, it's your system, that's the way it's set up. I need to get in contact with Troop A. I'm calling about a road hazard on the Atchafalaya Spillway. I just talked to somebody at the barracks in Baton Rouge and I need to talk to them again because more cars are hitting that metal bar and getting flats."

"Where are you located?" asked the New Orleans desk sergeant.

"I-10," I replied, "Just got off the Atchafalaya Spillway. The road hazard's at mile marker 132."

"Are you sure that's Baton Rouge?" he inquired. "Yes, I just talked to them. Now will you please connect me before there are a long string of cars with flats out here."

That apparently was enough to convince the desk sergeant at the New Orleans state police barracks and the phone soon began to ring in Baton Rouge. I relayed the information about the second vehicle getting a flat as well and the trooper in Baton Rouge assured me that someone was en route to remove the metal from the road.

I got out of my car to survey the damage. The tire appeared to be in good shape but the tire rim was FUBAR. How the tire retained enough air to last the few minutes until the end of the bridge is beyond me. This was going to cost me a trip to the junkyard for a replacement. But I thanked my angels once again for the assist.

The other victim, an offshore worker in his early 30s named Chad, was in a pickup from his worksite land office down in Cameron. Yep, he confirmed, he as well was a victim of that metal bar. "Did you see it? What the heck was that?!?" he exclaimed. "I saw it, but like you, not until I was on top of it," I replied. His right front tire was shredded, and in the process of shredding it had ripped up the wheel well and mud guards.

It was bad luck for him to have gotten the flat, but good luck that I had gotten a flat as well because Chad never had to change a tire in the work truck and didn't know the spare was in the back, underneath the truck bed and there is a simple way to remove the tire if you know where it is and how to do it. Nor did he know where to place the jack. I did. And once he had the spare out from it's hiding place, it held just 15 pounds pressure of air.

My friends know I'm a packrat. I've been a packrat since I was child. And that packrat mentality extends to the tools I carry in my car. I have broken down too many times not to carry what I consider the bare essentials, which is half the catalog offerings of the Harbor Freight company. I had to be towed a mile and half off the Atchafalaya Spillway once when the alternator on a work-owned vehicle died; and it cost me $100 for the tow. I was reimbused for the money; but the lesson was even more valuable. $100 buys me a really good socket set and leaves me $40 for a new alternator. If someone gives me a ride and their car is clean and lacking of a few essential tools I know for a fact that if we break down, we're screwed and their credit card is going to get a workout. Even worse, it means I'm going to have to cool my heels because they didn't properly plan for emergencies.

When I was younger and the hormones in my body flowed in the same direction as the vast majority of my blood -- and that by the way wasn't my heart -- the mere scent of a woman's perfume, in particular "Galore," would draw me like moth to a flame. The effect of the perfume? As Wilford Brimley's character exclaimed in "Cocoon" -- "Blue steel. Cat couldn't scratch it." This now occurs when I walk into Harbor Freight. I realize the Harbor Freight tools are made in China, and I feel bad that I'm not buying American-made tools. But if I had to buy American-made tools, I wouldn't be able to afford them.

Among the items in the back of my vehicle are an air compressor, a Freeplay wind-up flashlight, a racing jack, jackstands, a crowbar that would come in handy if necessary to straighten wheel wells and a 12v cigarette lighter impact wrench for removing and tightening lugnuts and several cans of seal-a-flat. Shortly, Chad and I were both back on the road heading to our individual destinations.

I'm a pencil-necked geek in my soul, with little inate mechanical prowess at all. But when you're destitute and can't afford to pay a mechanic to effect repairs, and if you're also a Type "A" personality who requires control over your own destiny, you learn. It makes you into what the culturally chic nowadays call a "renaissance man." I've learned to appreciate this mechanical ability in a woman as well but there are few "renaissance women." I'd be hitting on Mona Lisa Vito in a heartbeat, and not just because Marissa Tomei is hot. Working out on a Stairmaster at a gym and getting a makeover at the Aveda Institute is one thing; being able to help me change the brake pads on my car is another. Keep the perfume but trade some axle grease for grease paint every so often? "Blue steel. Cat couldn't scratch it."

That piece of metal on the interstate that trashed my wheel is a not uncommon occurence. I've seen more than my share of aluminum ladders in the middle of the road that have fallen off the sides of some workman's pickup truck. Be especially alert for these road mines in the early morning but mostly during rush hour. Painters, electricians, carpenters and roofers are in a hurry to get home to their families as well and may forget to double check the tie-downs on the equipment they've placed on their trucks.

Even more common road debris are pieces of wood from skids, 2x4s and the hoses from tanker trucks. It seems I see a tanker truck hose every three days, either on the road itself or on the side of the road. They may flatten in the middle but the coupling ends are solid metal. There are long tubes connected to the tanker trucks with a flap on the end where these hoses are placed when not in use. The flap comes loose and the vibrations work the hose out. They're not cheap to replace either, as I understand it, with starting prices of $300 for the most inexpensive coupling hose. You'd think they'd figure out a way to secure these better but they apparently haven't. I scavenged one covered in steel mesh a few years ago from the side of the road figuring I'd sell it eBay. Packrat, remember? Haven't put it up on eBay yet and it's sitting in the garage. That hose is heavy. The coupling end itself must weigh 15 pounds easy. The hose is at least 15 feet long, covered in steel mesh and with couplings on both ends. Imagine hitting that mother at highway speed!

Keep an eye out at the beginning of the month and end of the month for furniture. Yep, furniture. Folk figure they'll save a few bucks borrowing their buddy's pickup truck instead of renting a box truck. And then they figure they'll save some time not securing the couch or mattress or dresser to the pickup because it's "too heavy to fall off." Famous last words. When you're going down the highway at 70 mph, guess what? The wind is blowing at 70 mph. A Level 1 hurricane's winds blow at 75 mph sustained. Maybe the couch is tied down, but what about the cushions? I've run over more than my share of chair and sofa cushions. My advice: never drive close behind a pickup filled with furniture.

Truckers call the treads you see on the roadways "alligator tails." Obviously it's because they look a bit like black 'gator tails. If the treads are lying flat in the road, usually that's not a problem. But if they're curled up, try to avoid running over it. The treads from the tires of big trucks can be quite heavy and they, like passenger tires, also have steel belts. I've seen them mangle the plastic/fiberglas front ends of cars and tear up a wheel well. Legally truckers are supposed to stop and pick up any treads that peel off their tires but most don't. Like anyone else, they probably don't think about the vehicles who will travel the roadway after them.

I have actually hit an alligator trying to cross the road before. I didn't mean to hit him, but it's hard dealing with something that has a brain the size of a walnut. I was hauling a car tow dolly down Route 30 toward Gonzales and was just about on or over the Ascension parish limits when a young 'gator came running out on the road as I was driving by. If I hadn't been moving that tow dolly, that 'gator would be alive today. But a tow dolly wheel hit that 'gator dead center and popped him like a pepper.

I'm sure that 'gator's death was instantaneous. Not so for the opossum I clipped on a dark back road near Mandeville one night. Animals just get frightened when they hear the noise of a vehicle approaching. You'd think they'd run in the opposite direction of the noise, but they don't. I clipped that fellow in the head good but didn't kill him. I looked in my rearview mirror and I could see the red blood gushing from his mouth and covering his jaw. He didn't move. He just stood in the middle of the road. I knew I had mortally wounded him and that if I didn't finish the job, he would die a slow painful death. I did a three point turn and aimed the car at him. He didn't move from the spot. He reared up on his hind legs and glowered at me, the blood flowing from his mouth, every tooth in his mouth displayed at his attacker; his last act of defiance. He might have been born an opossum but he wasn't going to die playing possum. I keep writing "he" when I refer to the opossum but I don't know if, in fact, it was a he. I just don't want to know it was a female. A little known fact is that female opossums killed on the road may still be carrying their young in their pouch and the young do survive accidents that kill their mother but then die of starvation because they won't leave their dead mother. But I know that no young would have survived the second hit.

I don't ever recall hitting a dog or cat in my life, and I'm thankful for that. I feel remorseful about hitting mammals and the one reptile I know I've hit, but there's little to be done. Moment's notice and then ... splat. I think that most people, given a choice, would avoid killing an animal with their car. But if it's a choice of hitting an animal or driving into a ditch, the animal loses. Common sense and Darwin say so. I've also never hit an armadillo, which is surprising considering the number of armadillos in Louisiana. I remember reading a story years ago in the lefthand front page column of The Wall Street Journal that armadillos usually don't die from a car hitting them but from them hitting the car. When armadillos are frightened they immediately leap into the air. So it's the undercarriage of a vehicle that usually first contacts an armadillo. "'Dillo Frisbee" is the slang for a flattened armadillo.

The most remorse I've ever felt for hitting an animal came last fall. Late last spring, after 49 years of life on this earth, I saw an owl in the wild for the first time in my life. It was at dusk and it was one of the most magnificent sights I've ever seen, that owl in flight. She was flying over open bayou land along Route 71, just northeast of Port Barre. I was driving down the road and it seemed like she was trying to keep up with me, be my wingman. I've seen eagles in flight and falcons and hawks swooping for prey. I remember seeing probably 30 hummingbirds at once, feeding at a hummingbird feeding station in the mountains southwest of Los Angeles, Calif. Those were neat, but the owl in flight was regal and memorable.

Then in mid-summer I pulled into a truckstop in LaPlace, a town just north of New Orleans. I pulled up next to a lightpost in the parking lot. As I got out of the truck I looked up and there, perched stately and vigilant at the top of the post, was another owl. I stood and watched the owl scan the area for several minutes until all of a sudden it flew off. I thought I had scared it away. I went inside for a cup of coffee and a pitstop. When I returned to the parking lot, I looked for the owl and couldn't see her. I got in the truck and as soon as I closed the door, I heard a rushing flutter of wings in motion and saw the owl fly from the top of my truck!

I saw no owls again until last fall as I was driving south on Route 71 out of Alexandria just past Bunkie. It was late, probably 11:30 at night, and as I rounded a curve near a small wooded wetland, an owl came swooping down, then pulled up, trying to avoid a collision with the truck. Although I was traveling with another driver at the wheel of a truck behind me, I hit my brakes. But it was to no avail. The owl cleared the cab of the truck only to impact the box. Brown and white feathers flew everywhere. I haven't seen an owl since, and I take this as a penance I must perform for killing that owl. Owls, I think, are supposed to be good omens. But what happens when you kill the omen?

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UPDATE: (5/2011) Apparently *LSP is now working again and connecting to the local Louisiana State Police barracks ... unless you're using T-Mobile. I tried to contact *LSP about a large tarpaulin I saw in the road, important but not 911 urgent. I couldn't get them from my T-Mobile phone. I had to use a back-up AT&T cell phone I carry. When I explained to the female sergeant that *LSP doesn't work with T-Mobile, instead of saying "Really, that's good to know! I'll pass it along to our technical department." her reply was "Change carriers." Gotta help if the Louisiana State Police is helping promote your wireless service ...

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Porn spam Easter egg of the day:

Common sense is what tells us the Earth is flat and the Sun goes around it.

Thank you Lt. Dan!

Wasn't I pleased Wednesday night to hear actor Gary Sinise repel Scottish-born Craig Ferguson's, host of CBS' The Late, Late Show, attempt to focus Sinise on the negative aspects of Operation Iraqi Freedom!

Sinise, who has been travelling with his rock group, "Lt. Dan's Band" on a USO tour for troops in Germany, Italy, Iraq and elsewhere, countered Ferguson's lead with a complaint of how biased the media reports are coming out of Iraq. Ferguson didn't expect the retort and looked suprised by the optimism of the actor. Maybe Ferguson was just jaded and expecting another liberal ... because his guest Tuesday was has-been comedian and one-trick leftist pony Bill Maher.

Sinise, who starred as the character "Lt. Dan Taylor" in the movie Forrest Gump and currently stars on CBS's latest CSI spinoff, CSI: New York, told Ferguson that there are many fine and peaceful projects being accomplished in Iraq by American and coalition troops -- schools being built, waterworks projects bringing water where none existed -- that aren't being reported by media. Sinise told Ferguson he was unhappy with the media concentrating solely on the negative.

Not only is Sinise travelling with the USO entertaining troops, his visits to war-torn Iraq have spurred him and Laura Hillenbrand, best selling author of "Seabiscuit," to found a program to help collect school supplies for Iraqi children.

From the website of the organization, Operation Iraqi Children:

Inspired by their conversations with Operation Iraqi Freedom soldiers as well as Sinise's recent tour of the region, Sinise and Hillenbrand founded Operation Iraqi Children, a grass roots program to provide concerned Americans with a means to reach out to Iraqi kids and help support our soldiers' efforts to assist the Iraqi people. Through the School Supply Kit Program, American children, church groups, and other organizations can help Iraqis by gathering school supplies in local drives, assembling them in kits according to our instructions, then sending them to the VFW for transport to Iraq, where our soldiers will take them to Iraqi villages.

Hats off to Sinise and Hillenbrand for this effort, and thank you "Lt. Dan" for entertaining the troops through the USO and for helping get the truth to the world about Operation Iraqi Freedom!

[Update 5/11/2005: Journalists as terrorism tools? John Tierney, columnist for the New York Times, thinks the media spend too much on the bad news and the bombings in Iraq too. Commenting in his column May 10, Tierney writes: "Terrorists know the numbers are against them and realize that daily bombings will not win the war. All along, their hope has been to inspire recruits and spread general fear with another tactic, the bombing as photo opportunity. For some reason, their media strategy still works." I've always thought Dan Rather and Steve Kroft were tools, but it's refreshing to hear it from the NYT. Tierney gives the press an easy out though and explains the Catch-22 of the situation: "Correspondents complained that they'd essentially become cop reporters, and that the suicide bombings took so much of their time that they couldn't report on the rest of the country. They were more interested in other stories, but as long as the rest of the press corps kept covering the bombing du jour, that was where their editors and producers expected them to be, too." One can choose to rubberneck at an accident scene or one can continue to look straight ahead. It's a personal choice.]

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I've updated my post "Did you hear the one about the fat guy who got pissed at Viacom and the New York Times?"

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Porn spam Easter egg of the day:

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

The rhyme and reason of the New York Times, or lack thereof

If I read something in the New York Times or any other news entity that I believe misleads the reader, I usually contact that organization and request an official response. Sometimes, like the Associated Press, they choose not to respond. Other times, these organizations do respond, although some respond and then in their response claim they haven't responded while responding.

The NYT Public Editor, its ombudsman, does respond. I've directed several communiques to the ombudsman for the NYT, which it calls its Public Editor. I've complained about

• the advertisement placed on its online pages by SpikeTV that pokes fun at large people,
• the failure by its reporters to include complete background information on PBS journalist and Lyndon Johnson protege Bill Moyers in an article I deemed heavily biased against Corporation for Public Broadcasting chairman Kenneth Tomlinson,
  
• and I've also questioned what the editorial criteria is for determining whether a written work published in the newspaper was classified a news report, a news analysis, or an opinion piece.
  

The NYT has a style guide for grammar and spelling to ensure uniformity in its grammar and spelling. And there are various employee handbooks at the NYT as might be found in any business. But apparently there are no written, codified, clarifying criteria at the NYT that editors can follow or to which they may refer in determining whether a written work is a report, an analysis or an opinion. This may come as a shock, but it's apparently a very subjective judgement made off-the-cuff by each and every particular section editor who follows his or her individual instinct but no newspaper-wide guidelines. What is a news report to one editor may be a news analysis to another and an opinion piece for the Op-Ed pages with still another editor. I'd go so far as to say experienced-based whimsey and happenstance are the core of some of these editorial decisions.

You might already have guessed this. But what may be really surprising to you is that the NYT's own ombudsman follows the same train of thought in this particular matter.

The particular examples I questioned the NYT's Public Editor about were two articles appearing in the April 1, 2005 issue of the NYT. My e-mail to the Public Editor follows:

Date: Fri, 01 Apr 2005 14:14:31 -0500
To: pubXX@nytXXes.com
From: Mark McBride (by way of Public)
Subject: 4/1 Schiavo's Case May Reshape American Law
Dear Public Editor:

hyperlink to story

"Schiavo's Case May Reshape American Law, by Sheryl Gay Stolberg," published today 4/1/2005, is not a news report, but a "news analysis" at best that should have been labelled as such or commentary that should have been placed in the appropriate pages as an opinion piece.

I submit, sir, that it should have been labelled "News Analysis" by the editor, just as "A Final Verdict on Prewar Intelligence Is Still Elusive," by Todd S. Purdum was in the same issue.

Can you please ask the editor of the Washington section to explain why Mr. Purdum's article was "news analysis" while Ms. Stolberg's article was not? What is the defined editorial criteria by the editor for determining whether a reporter's submission qualifies as a news report, news analysis or opinion? Is this criteria/policy one that is standardized and in writing or is it left to the editor's discretion and state of mind on the date of publication?

Last night I received a reply from Daniel Okrent, Public Editor for the NYT:

Dear Mr. McBride,

The best I've been able to determine (i)s that there was no formal reason, just oversight. It may well should have carried the "news analysis" bug, but the criteria for slapping one on an article are vague, the practices irregular, and the results unpredictable.

I'm speaking only for myself, of course, and not for The Times's management.

Yours sincerely,
Daniel Okrent
Public Editor
N.B.: Any opinions expressed here, unless otherwise indicated, are solely my own

(For those unfamilier with newspaper slang, a "bug" is another term for a subhead, in this case the words "News Analysis." The bold-facing in Mr. Okrent's e-mail is my emphasis.)

I asked Mr. Okrent for a reply in his official capacity as Public Editor and he explained: "From the moment I took this job (as Public Editor, the ombudsman for the New York Times), I have only spoken for myself, and not for the paper or its owners. This is made clear in the italic box that runs with my column, and in all my written and spoken communications."

I'm guessing this is a legal requirement to cover the corporation. But Mr. Okrent's the Public Editor, the official ombudsman for the NYT, hired by the newspaper management to represent the readers to the editors and management of the NYT, and this is his opinion.

I would think the readers might place more faith in the decision-making process at the NYT than is warranted given this information and that it might stun them to find that such decisions are off-the-cuff by each individual editor "winging it" on no guidelines.

There is a public perception that the news matter contained within the NYT is biased, and biased to the left. The lack of guidelines, I would think, would tend to lend credence to this perception.

If the criteria for determining whether an article is a news report, an opinion piece or a new analysis are vague, unwritten and determined by each individual editor, wouldn't that result in the potential for individual bias by editors who have no guidelines?

You, as the news consumer, are left to fill in the blanks yourself on that answer. I'll bet you can guess what my opinion on the subject is.

[Update 5/9/2005: Daniel Okrent, the NYT's Public Editor/ombudsman, participated in a live call-in program, "Talk of the Nation," today on NPR. This daily talk show, hosted by Neal Conan, isn't broadcast by all NPR stations, but it is broadcast in Baton Rouge. I was on the road but pulled over to the side of the highway, called in and was able to speak very briefly with Mr. Okrent about his comments. Listen to what Mr. Okrent had to say on the show by selecting this link and you will become a better informed consumer of news. The entire program was very good, given the limited time of radio, but if you're in a hurry, if you head about 25 minutes, 55 seconds into the 30 minute, 15 second show, you'll catch my comments and Mr. Ohkrent's reply. A committee looking at the problems that faced the New York Times -- from bias to the "creative writing" by former reporter Jayson Blair -- today issued a report suggesting changes. It was a busy day for me today and I'll post on this when I have more time. (If you don't like the sound of my cellphone, talk to Cingular -- five bars and it's still a Nokia P.O.S. That's what happens when cellphone makers make cellphones to satisfy the needs of cellular telephone companies instead of satisfying the needs of consumers. But that's another rant for another day.)]

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Porn spam Easter egg of the day:

Sentimental irony is a dog that bays at the moon while pissing on graves.

What did the father tomato say to his son? Ketchup!

What information should the editors and reporters of a newspaper give you, the reader, to make informed decisions about events which impact your life?

That's the question editors and reporters answer on a daily basis. They make their living by collecting information, sifting through it, editing it and then finally distributing it to you. One would think that there is an abundance of news going on in the world, but if you read several daily newspapers and watch several national broadcasts, there are only a few things in the world that matter.

I was busy with my normal trucking job this past week and didn't really get a chance to read as much as I'd like. When you're a bureaucrat or a journalist or in public relations, you get paid to read the news. And generally the coffee's provided but you have to bring your own donuts. As a trucker, you don't get paid to read the news. And there's usually no free coffee. So I've been trying to catch up with the world now that I have a few moments.

This past week the only thing that really mattered apparently was a missing woman from Georgia who turned out to be a runaway bride with second thoughts about commitment. Important news there. The next time a female accuses my gender, or me directly, of fear of the Big "C," commitment, I can point to Jennifer Wilbanks and say, "See, that's why I don't want to commit! You women are all alike!" It'll give me just enough time to duck and run for cover. I may be large, but when commitment is required, I can be pretty darn fast.

And of course there were the Democratic moves in Washington to bag the House majority leader, Congressman Tom DeLay of Texas, on an ethics violation. I've never seen a poor politician, but these folk are asserting Rep. DeLay accepted favors from a lobbyist. That would make him, what, the 15 thousandth Congressman to do so? Cleo Fields, the former Democratic congressional representative from a former gerrymandered district that included yours truly was caught on tape accepting a briefcase full of cash from former Democratic Louisiana governor Edwin Edwards. Until his gerrymandered district was ruled illegal, Fields was elected handily and went to the house oversight subcommittee overseeing the Small Business Administration while all the shenanigans were going on at SBA and Commerce. I don't recall the Democrats making a fuss back then about that. They sure are selective about ethics. Do you think it's politically motivated? The Christian Science Monitor thinks there's about to be one heckuva ethics mud fight. I think so too.

And then there were the "obesity" stories. Does anyone in the world not know that birth eventually leads to death and that being overweight might hasten that fact? There must be some folk who don't know because there are at least three major reports daily on the "obesity crisis" in America. The only result I see of these "obesity" stories is the continuing demonization of the large. The one "new" piece of information on obesity was actually printed Monday. A medical writer for the Associated Press reports doctors have known for years that it's primarily the poor who are obese. If they've known it for years, why haven't any of us read about this before? It could be because the poor don't buy Slimfast or Thigh Masters or health club memberships or Jane Fonda workout tapes and the affluent do. I see on today's news where former Pres. Clinton is sticking his nose in the tent on the childhood "obesity" problem. Just what the world was waiting for -- this is sure to solve the problem now that Slick Willie is on the scene. He couldn't stop bin Laden's people from bombing our embassies so now he's going after Twinkie the Kid. I would think the former president might have chimed in on another issue with which he'd be more intimately familiar. I've yet to see any story whatsoever on how growth hormones injected into America's food stock might be affecting Americans. Or a study on how the obese volume of "obesity" studies has done nothing but demonize a class of people. Apparently there's no revenue to be made from reporting or researching that kind of truth.

The New York Times reported on how the former editor of Reader's Digest is requiring PBS to install an ombudsman -- viewer's advocate -- and provide balance and objectivity in its programming. Of course, much of the article concerns how the Republican-appointed former editor questioned the objectivity of Bill Moyers in his program NOW. You see, the PBS charter doesn't allow for political partisanship. The NYT report did mention in passing that Mr. Moyers was an aide to Pres. Lyndon Johnson and affiliated with PBS since the 1970s, but declined to fully disclose the extent of that affiliation -- that Mr. Moyers got his start in journalism at the behest of Pres. Johnson after working on Pres. Johnson's Texas senate campaign, began in broadcasting at a Johnson-owned television station, held several positions during the Kennedy and Johnson administrations and was so involved in the formation of PBS from its roots at WETA as a member of the Kennedy and Johnson administrations that he essentially was associated with PBS since 1961. Nor did it mention that Mr. Moyers had served as speech writer, press secretary and chief of staff to Pres. Johnson. Would John Q. Public American have gotten the shot Mr. Moyers had gotten in journalism and broadcasting and had such a long affiliation with PBS without the grooming and tutelage by Pres. Johnson? Not hardly. And Pres. Johnson would not have groomed someone who didn't share his political views. Despite the fact that Mr. Moyers is an ordained Baptist minister, there was no mention of his religious roots either. But then again, liberals never mention the religious roots of other liberals.

From the first day in Journalism 101, students are taught to write news reports in an inverted pyramid shape, keeping the most important information in the lead paragraphs and leaving the less important information at the end of the report. Why? Because the final arbiter of what you read in the commercial press is the printer, and if the report is too long, it's cut to allow room for an advertisement. And believe it or not, that is the only person in the whole news process who will cut arbitrarily "without fear or favor."

[Update 5/4/2005: Chicken Little takes job as editorial writer at New York Times -- You might be deluded into believing the sky is falling at the Corporation for Public Broadcasting from the editorial stand taken by the NYT in today's edition. The NYT is worried that the chairman of CPB, Kenneth Tomlinson, a respected and experienced journalist who at one time was editor of Reader's Digest, will replace partisan Democrats on the CPB governing board with partisan Republicans. How dare the CPB governing board be a diverse body! Tomlinson believes PBS and NPR should be objective, offer balanced political viewpoints, and have an ombudsman, a viewer advocate who can independently judge whether programming is overly biased liberal or conservative. Though the NYT has its ombudsman which it calls its Public Editor, it apparently doesn't believe PBS or NPR should have one. Seems slightly schizophrenic to me.]

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Porn spam Easter egg of the day:

The effort of art is to keep what is interesting in existence, to recreate it in the eternal.

The Cinderella story that wasn't

Originally published 13 March 2005; last update 2 May 2005:

Did you know that Cinderella's name was actually "Ella?" Her mean step-sisters added the "Cinder" to her name to tease her about her plebian chores cleaning up cinders from the fireplace. And now you know the rest of that story.

I was like any other blogger when I read the news that a blogger was given credentials to join the daily press briefing at the White House -- I was elated. It was a heady moment for internet journalism, a coming of age. A young blogger made it into the big time, the first blogger to earn White House credentials. Not really rags to riches, but along those lines. Young blogger makes good. That type of thing. I even marked the moment with a post here on March 9, recognizing the achievement as a milestone for the 6th estate, internet-based news gathering and reporting.

Then morning came in the blogosphere and I read word by disheartening word the description that was left out of the original New York Times article. Cybercast News Service reported that the young blogger, Garrett M. Graff, was deputy national press secretary on the staff of presidential candidate and former Vermont Governor Howard Dean. A check of Graff's own posted biography confirmed it. It not only confirmed it but noted that Garrett M. Graff had also been then-Gov. Dean's webmaster in 1997.

Then I realized the really, really bad news for blogging. Garrett M. Graff had been the webmaster for then-Gov. Dean in 1997 while young Graff was in high school. Then he got admitted to Harvard University and became executive editor for The Harvard Crimson before graduating in 2003 and becoming presidential candidate Dean's deputy national press secretary. And all the while his father, Christopher L. Graff, is the Associated Press' correspondent in Vermont, whose duties I assume at times must have been to report on the activities of the governor and the presidential hopefuls.

There is an appearance of a conflict of interest here. Did then-Gov. Dean hire the young high school student son of the AP's man in Vermont in 1997 to curry favor with the father? An application to Harvard stating that one had worked as webmaster for the governor of Vermont couldn't hurt. Did the former governor provide a recommendation that helped the young man get accepted at Harvard? And then Garrett M. Graff was hired, either out of college or shortly thereafter, as deputy national press secretary on presidential hopeful Dean's campaign. Again to curry favor with the father? No doubt the young Graff had skills and brains, but this was a brass ring.

I met Chris Graff when I was just starting out in journalism and working at a small newspaper in Vermont in 1981 and 1982. He was the atypical suit and tie AP employee type and seemed genial enough during our brief encounters. And his news reports appeared nothing less than professional and above board. So I just can't believe there was any conscious quid pro quo between him and Gov. Dean. But appearance is enough now, as it was laid down in the ground rules by the Clintonistas years ago, and it was enough with the AP when I was stringing (freelancing) for them back in 1980 and early 1981.

I was freelancing for the AP out of New Haven my last year of college and sought fulltime employment upon graduation. The Hartford Chief of Bureau was Charles Lewis, a reporter with a law degree from Chicago who later would be named to an executive post in AP's personnel department and even later be named to the vaunted post as Chief of Bureau of the Washington, D.C. bureau. He said he had no openings so I sent resumes and clips to every AP bureau in the country and received not a nibble save for the Chief of Bureau in Little Rock, Arkansas who asked me to send him my photo. I'm sure I even sent a resume to Chris Graff at one point.

I had spent five years active duty in the U. S. Navy, enlisting at the tail end of Vietnam. I served my entire tour in the United States and was honorably discharged. As I was finishing college I needed money so I enlisted in the U. S. Naval Reserve. I was in the Naval Reserve when I was hired on at the AP as a stringer and had fully disclosed that information.

Chuck Lewis told me I needed more experience and he also told me plainly that the AP would not employ me full time while I was still in the reserves because of a potential conflict of interest. Chuck, it seemed to me, wasn't all that supportive of the military, but he told me that if I stayed in the reserves it would hamper any journalism career I wanted because of the potential conflict. I contacted Employer's Support of the Guard and Reserves and was informed that the AP could legally discriminate against me if I stayed in the reserves because of that very issue. [Note that there is now a law that says an employer cannot discriminate against a member of the reserve or National Guard. See the updates at the end of this post.]

I left the Naval Reserve shortly after college graduation but I vowed to myself I'd never seek work with the AP again. Time has taught me that, regardless of Chuck's views of the military, he was right. I may not have consciously given the Navy a benefit of the doubt were I to receive an assignment, but unconsciously the warm fuzzies I hold about my time in Uncle Sam's Canoe Club might have creeped in. Now this Navy experience also gives me insight the normal civilian doesn't have but that's beside the point.

So conflict of interest is important, even the appearance. If Garrett M. Graff had been the son of an AP reporter assigned to cover Halliburton, was hired in high school to build Halliburton's web page, then was hired by Vice President Cheney to work the Bush-Cheney campaign, and then received credentials to join the daily West Wing press gaggle, would not the liberal media at this very moment be screaming bloody murder? [Pertinent sections of the code of ethics allegedly subscribed to by the Associated Press and its employees is appended as an update to this post.]

You, who are on the road, must have a code that you can live by

It used to be that when ex-politicians or ex-political aides lost their jobs in an election result, they'd find work in academia or as consultants or lobbyists on the beltway, hired by high-priced flacks to press the flesh and get laws passed that favor their clients, most of the times screwing the rest of us. My late second cousin, Steve Martindale, had been an aide to Sen. Charles Goodell of New York. When Sen. Goodell lost the election my cousin found work as a lobbyist for public relations firm Hill & Knowlton throwing wine and cheese parties for the rich and infamous, including Henry Kissinger and John Lennon. I didn't know him well -- deadbeat dad's side of the family -- but I've read about him. A staunch Republican, he was gay and died of AIDS.

If the ex-politicians and ex-aides found work in the media, it was on the business end of things where they were free to opine on the editorial and opinion pages free of ethics and conflict of interest questions. If they were quoted in articles, it was as sources or even as paid-analysts -- labelled as such -- providing insight into the sausage making that we call the law. But now it seems that the incestuousness of politics and political reporting has gone beyond the acceptable. And more and more politicians and aides are being hired and are presenting themselves as balanced, unbiased reporters. For the public interest, this is a trend that should be nipped in whatever bud needs nipping.

William Safire was a speechwriter for President Richard Nixon. But he wasn't a reporter; he was a columnist for the New York Times and columnists are allowed a point of view. Diane Sawyer also worked for President Nixon, but she's not presented as a reporter. She's the innocuous host of ABC's morning show, "Good Morning America."

Everyone pretty much knows that George Stefanopolous was press secretary to President William Clinton. Stefanopolous initially taught in the journalism department at Columbia University before being lured to host ABC's "This Week," a Sunday news talk show. He succeeded Cokie Roberts in that position, and she was the daughter of Congresswoman Lindy Boggs and Congressman Hale Boggs, Democrats of Louisiana. Tim Russert runs a fine show but was staff counsel in the U.S. Senate and an aide to former Democratic New York Gov. Mario Cuomo before getting the nod at NBC to host its Sunday news talk show "Meet the Press." And while Chris Matthews doesn't present himself as either fair or balanced, he was a speechwriter under former President Jimmy Carter long before being hired on to host "Hardball."

I love the reporting of Bill Moyers and I try to watch as many of the shows he produces for PBS as I can. But PBS was first founded in Washington in 1961 while John Kennedy was president and Lyndon Johnson was vice president and grew rapidly when Johnson became president. And Moyers worked on Johnson's campaign for senator from Texas, worked as Deputy Director of the Peace Corps under Kennedy-Johnson and then was special assistant, speechwriter, and press secretary to President Johnson. Moyers, an ordained Baptist Minister, got his start in television as a reporter for a Johnson-owned station in Austin, Texas.

What's next? Will CBS hire "Baghdad Bob" as special correspondent to cover Saddam Hussein's trial because of his insight?

I've never claimed this blog is objective or balanced. It's my blog, my opinion. And my opinion is if it walks like duck and talks like a duck, maybe there's a solid foundation to the argument claimed by the citizenry that a bias really and truly does exist in the media. Maybe there is a "royalization" of America and I just haven't noticed it. Maybe we exchanged the British royalty for a new royalty of class, privilege, fraternity, sorority and ivy whose sons and daughters succeed them, with an ever increasing separation of the haves and have nots, regardless of political label. And I don't think this is in the public's best interest.

I know one thing. I know that one of this country's greatest minds and greatest businessmen, Warren Buffett, doesn't believe in nepotism or cronyism. He believes that the only way for this country to grow is if it becomes a true meritocracy. It will never reach that level of attainment on the path Washington and the media currently follow or on the example they set.

Some in the mainstream media criticize bloggers as shooting from the hip and for failing to check facts. I'll give $50 to anyone if they can find any mention in that original New York Times report that Garrett M. Graff had worked for former Gov. Dean.

I'm glad a blogger received credentials to cover the White House. I just wish it were another blogger worthy of the admiration bloggers have bestowed on Garrett M. Graff. His credentialing has the potential to be a millstone around the neck of the 6th estate.

[Update 3/14/2005: I managed to track down Rod Clarke, former Vermont state editor for United Press International. He informs me that none of his children went to Harvard.]

[Update 3/15/2005: Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism has released a study proving the most prominent members of the main stream media were three times more likely during the election to run negative stories about Pres. Bush.]

[Update 3/16/2005: Found this quote on the web -- "As I've said before, money does buy access and we're kidding ourselves and Vermonters if we deny it. Let us do away with the current system." Quote attributed to then-Vermont Gov. Howard Dean in his 1997 inaugural address to the Vermont General Assembly.].

[Update 3/20/2005: The Associated Press subscribes to the code of ethics written by the Associated Press Managing Editors. The APME code states "(The good newspaper) avoids practices that would conflict with the ability to report and present news in a fair, accurate and unbiased manner." It also states: "The newspaper and its staff should be free of obligations to news sources and newsmakers. Even the appearance of obligation or conflict of interest should be avoided." It also states: "It should report matters regarding itself or its personnel with the same vigor and candor as it would other institutions or individuals." And it states: "Special favors and special treatment for members of the press should be avoided." It continues: " Involvement in politics, demonstrations and social causes that would cause a conflict of interest, or the appearance of such conflict, should be avoided. Work by staff members for the people or institutions they cover also should be avoided."]

[UPDATE 3/28/2005: Reservists and members of the National Guard today have a law on their side against discrimination as well as an active Employer Support of the Guard and Reserve who stand ready, willing and able to enforce the provisions of that law. The law is the Uniformed Services Employment and Reemployment Rights Act (USERRA), signed into law on October 13, 1994. In case any of you leftist lawyer-types don't believe me, it's codified in Title 38, United States Code, Sections 4301-4333 (38 U.S.C. 4301-4333). USERRA has no statute of limitations, and it specifically precludes the application of state statutes of limitations. According to this law, no employer, including the media may discriminate against a reservist or a member of the National Guard seeking employment just because that person is in the reserves or the National Guard. Thanks, the sharpest salute from my old dixie cup I can muster to JH, JJC, and SFW for the info and assistance! Fair winds and following seas gentlemen!]

[UPDATE 3/28/2005: I have e-mailed the Associated Press three times asking for their ombudsman to clarify an ethics question. It's been a week since my original interrogatory and I have received no reply. I guess the mainstream media doesn't like to comment either when the spotlight is on it. A copy of my latest request is shown below:

Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2005 09:37:47 -0600
To: info@ap.org
From: Mark McBride (NEWSXXX@6thXXXXX)
Subject: Fwd: Does AP ethics apply to family members?


This is my third request. Please reply or I will accept a non-answer as "No comment."

Date: Tue, 22 Mar 2005 15:45:14 -0600
To: info@ap.org
From: Mark McBride (NEWSXXX@6thXXXXX)
Subject: Fwd: Does AP ethics apply to family members?

Hello:

I still haven't received an answer to this inquiry. Shall I take a non-answer as "No Comment?"

Thank you.

Date: Mon, 21 Mar 2005 09:08:49 -0600
To: info@ap.org
From: Mark McBride (NEWSXXX@6thXXXXX)
Subject: Does AP ethics apply to family members?

Hello,

This question would probably go to the ombudsman for the AP. Would the ASME Code of Ethics, to which the AP subscribes, apply to family of AP employees?

For example, if an AP reporter were assigned to cover a corporation as part of their regular beat, would it be appropriate if the child of that AP employee obtained worked for a CEO of that corporation? Would the AP allow the reporter to continue to cover that corporation or would the reporter be reassigned?

Thank you.

-30-

The 6th Estate -- http://www.NEWS4A2.com/ -- Blood-sucking journalism at its most depraved.]

[Update 5/2/2005: Still no response from The Associated Press on my requests.]

[Update 10/7/2005: I'll bet you think I'm going to put some note here that I've yet to receive a response from The Associated Press. Well, that's true, I still haven't received any response from The AP. But this note is just to let you know about the best $50 I ever spent, an entry fee to the awards competition sponsored by the Online News Association. I submitted this blog entry in the "Online Commentary, Small Category." Guess what? I lost. But I note that Vast Left Wing Media darling hero and ex-Dean staffer, blogger gets White House credentials, didn't score an award either. I guess the bloom is off that rose. BTW, don't know if it has any bearing on the competition, but the president of the Online News Association and one of the judges is Ruth Gersh, director of Online Services for AP Digital, yeah, the same AP/Associated Press that still hasn't replied to my interrogatories. I'm sure Ms. Gersh recused herself from judging this entry once she determined my entry questioned the AP's implementation of its ethics policy. Sour grapes? Sure, why not. Still and all, I never expected to win. Critique of journalism -- in the history of journalism -- is never rewarded in competitions. Journalists are celebrated for bringing down politicians and business, never for targeting the "profession" of journalism. The journalists who first questioned the fabrications by Janet Cooke or Jayson Blair never received an award from journalists, nor have the journalists who reported about Dan Rather's credibility gaps. It just isn't done. "Without fear or favor?" Hardly.]