D.O.N. Brand Snake Oil

I received a letter in the mail today from a company named "D.O.N." in Warminster, Pennsylvania. It was bulk mail, but it was in a nice glossy envelope. I am familiar with the direct mail business, and this was a nice piece. With postage, the company had spent close to a dollar to contact me. I opened it.

"D.O.N." turned out to be Department of the Navy. The direct mail piece was a device to recruit medics for the U.S. Naval Reserve.

"D.O.N." got my name from the subscription list from a professional magazine to which I subscribe, the Journal of Emergency Medical Services. At 50 and as a Vietnam-era veteran of the U.S. Navy, I don't mind "D.O.N." sending me recruiting literature, but I'm way past the age the Navy wants. As long as Congress and the DoD stick to age maximums, "D.O.N.'s" wasting money trying to recruit me. If they decide to raise the maximum age for reserve enlistment, "D.O.N.," you have permission to contact me.

What got me angry though was "D.O.N.'s" direct mail subterfuge, using "D.O.N." in the return address block instead of Department of the Navy. I can only guess that some civilian direct mail huckster convinced someone in the Navy Recruiting Command that it must disguise the direct mail pieces it sends to Emergency Medical Technicians if it wants them to read their pitch. And, obviously, someone in the Naval Recruiting Command went along with the scheme to sell service to this country as a peddler might sell snake oil. The Navy I know recruits men and women with "the nicest sense of personal honor;" it doesn't have to run a bunco operation. So this shift toward subterfuge is unsettling to me.

Maybe it's because that civilian read the newspapers that recruiting is down for all the services. Maybe they heard that applications to the nation's military academies, which rose to a post-Vietnam War high in the months following the 9/11 attack, has dropped off. So now, to make the numbers, the civilian contractor has the Navy convinced that it has to disguise the product it's trying to sell: the opportunity to serve this country proudly and patriotically.

The special interests have taken the news of dropping enlistments and twisted it to suit their purposes. The Democrats who want to run for president are saying it means the U.S. has to withdraw from Iraq or institute a draft. The gay lobby is saying it means the U.S. military needs to drop "Don't ask, don't tell" and allow open homosexuality among members of the military. Me, I think it means the chaff is being separated from the wheat.

The military may not be for everyone but it is a good use of a man's or woman's time. It's honorable to serve this country and be on station to protect its citizens. You may not get that idea from the opinion and editorial pages of the nation's newspapers or from the nightly news broadcasts, but it's a fact nonetheless. Some people understand that. They enlist or enter officer commissioning programs. It's not a large percentage, but remarkably this is the same percentage of the population who usually show up to vote, to help out at school functions, to talk to teachers at Parent-Teacher Organization meetings, to coach little league or to mentor scouts or Junior Achievement.

I've read that the parents are upset the military is trying to recruit their children. If the military tactics as they recruit in high school or college are like this, I'd be upset too. Maybe the use of "D.O.N." on the outside of the envelope as the return address was a subterfuge to slip the direct mail piece past the parent and into the hands of the offspring. If so, I'm sure that civilian contractor who designed that direct mail piece never served in the military. It's not something to be embarrassed about.

A friend of mine's son, who was accepted to medical school, signed up for the U.S. Air Force against his mother's wishes. The father, my friend and a Marine veteran of Vietnam and dyed-in-the-wool Southern blue dog Democrat, didn't encourage or discourage his son. He realized his son was an adult and could make his own decisions. No mother really wants her children in the military, because the world is an unsafe place and there's always a chance she'll have to hang a Gold Star Flag in her window. But the son realized that the Air Force would help pay his tuition and living expenses while in medical school, and give him rare experience once he graduates. And he won't graduate with quarter million dollar school loans that need repayment.

The Navy is not a used car with taxicab-yellow primer and a rolled-back odometer. It's not a credit card with a low intro rate and a hidden 28 percent interest rate and $35 late penalty fees. It's not AT&T trying to sneak through an unauthorized fee on my phone bill (which it did in May and June). And it's not a mortgage scam that would result in people losing their house if they miss a single payment. The Navy's a group of men and women who put their personal lives on hold for a few years so people in the U.S. can sleep soundly at nights. Some of them find that rewarding and fulfilling and continue on making it a career.

People who have no experience with the military might see that "D.O.N." as red flag confirmation of their worst fears -- the military will do anything, including any dishonest, immoral tactic to take their child and put that child in harm's way as cannon fodder. The facts are otherwise. I know. But "D.O.N.'s" making a real bad first impression.

If the military wants to increase the quantity of recruits it's getting, it should try the truth.

[The Navy is not the only service to use subterfuge as a recruiting tool. The U.S. Army posted this job opening for "Broadcast News Analysts" on the Louisiana labor web site. I spoke with the sergeant who placed the ad on the labor web site and he claimed he didn't have enough room to identify it as an advertisement for the Army.]

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Porn spam Easter egg of the day:

"For those who understand no explanation is needed, ...For those who don't none will do". - Jerry Lewis